Five Reality TV Shows I Will Not be Watching

Greetings, long lost people.

I've been bedridden (mostly) for the past few days, so there hasn't been much to do other than watch movies, TV series, etc and contemplate how I could feasibly remove my own kidney. My Mister Honeybee has graciously offered me the use of his Netflix account, and I've been delighting in the BBC program 'The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret." But now, on day three of the long stretch of hell that is my right kidney, I've entered a dark place.

That's right, reality TV.

Now, as anyone else who was growing up in the nineties, I was aware of Reality TV at its inception, MTV's Real World and Road Rules (back when MTV had the occasional musical programming). I remember digging a couple of seasons, but it wasn't long until Reality TV just fucking EXPLODED. Big Brother and Survivor were basically just regurgitated versions of Road Rules and Real World, with higher stakes (in both cases, people being eliminated or kicked off of the show, ultimately leaving a winner), but then came American Idol, the Bachelor/Bachelorette, the various RichWhiteGirlProblems shows, so on and so forth and blargh. It's gotten out of control.

Admittedly, there are some Reality Shows that are kind of awesome. I love Gordon Ramsey and I'm going to make babies with him and we will ride a stallion off into the sunsethe is incredibly talented and interesting to watch. DO ME, GORDON. Also can you teach me how to make delicious things to eat without setting my kitchen on fire? I'm a big fan of The Colo

ny (which you should watch, if you haven't) and, without a bit of shame, I LOVE Rupaul's Drag Race, purely because drag queens are like, awesome, duh. Drag queens are the only reason that I know how to walk in heels.

But in perusing Netflix's selection of streaming reality TV, I don't even know what these shows are about. Since I'm far too lazy to give them a chance, I'm left with my own hypotheses and imagination.

Title: Sons of Guns

Cover Picture: Like five burly looking dudes, most angry and one suspiciously grinning about something, and the resident hot girl (clearly not anyone's son)

This Must Be About: When you call someone a 'son of a gun,' you're telling them that they're being a prick (or, in resident hot girl's case, a cunt-wad). So, these six assholes have made a show about being assholes. I assume they shoot people, further contributing to the assholery. Resident Hot Girl is probably banging at least one of these guys, but no one is ever as attractive as they look on the cover.

Title: BBQ Pitmaster

Cover Picture: Some d-bag is blowing fairy dust in my face! Is that a prison uniform?

What It Must Be About: This man was recently incarcerated for barbecuing pitbulls. He is also a wizard of some kind.

Title: Whale Wars

Cover Picture: Some guys cheering on a whale that appears to have just jumped INTO the ocean, perhaps from the top of that lighthouse in the background. Yeah, Go Whale!!

What it Must Be About: Its whale vs whale. Two whales enter, one whale leaves. Rock 'em, Sock 'em whales. This is the cockfight of the sea, and these guys are the highest bidders. PETA must be pissed the hell off about this whale-on-whale brawling. Sudden Death could possibly involve making the whale face-off with a bear in a scuba suit. Actually, on second thought, I'd totally watch this.

Title: EXTREME SURVIVAL PACK!!!!1

Cover Picture: A man appears to be in water that is very cold, and there is also rain and lightning. A poor choice for a vacation destination.

What it Must Be About: So pack...like wolves? ICE WATER-WOLVES versus this guy. Some random dude is pulled out of a Wendy's in middle America, thrown into the arctic sea, and is forced to fight a pack of ice water-wolves. Can he survive? Probably not. But if he does, the producers of the show will award him a 5.00 certificate to the aforementioned Wendy's.

Title: Kourtney & Khloe take Miami

Cover Picture: Two of the three original cast members of To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (sorry, Wesley Snipes) on a boat, with a baby. They appear to be floating above a city somewhere.

What it Must Be About: First of all, on the cover, there's an accent (no idea what the hell this is actually called) over the e, which makes it sound like 'Clo-Ehh.' I hate her already. Now that they've stolen this baby and brought it aboard their flying boat-ship, they're ready to destroy the city and take it as their own. The city of Miami will burn. As these demonesses cackle and celebrate their victory, one man will rise from the rubble...

Till next time!

Oh shit, It's TUESDAY

and I promised I'd be better about actually posting. OOPS.


FIRST, I just want Jenna Marbles to know I have no problem getting the 21 mice living in my house to do my bidding- you just can't swear at them while singing them requests. Just saying.

Also, I've been working my way through the classic years of Doctor Who [that Netflix has on instant watch]. I finally hit the Tom Baker years, after a lot of... REALLY AMAZING WORK. ANYWAYS, I had to share this with you. It is a screen cap of a man turning into an alien.

WHY YES, THAT IS GREEN BUBBLE WRAP. HOW DID IT GET THERE?!

But I pretty much have nothing for you. Just this:

WHICH SOMEONE CAN BUY FOR ME HERE.

This is a pretty awesome cosplay.

And this is kind of just hilarious.

I refuse to give excuses for this post.


EDIT: AND ALSO THIS AMAZING THING. Stick it out to the end, you'll be rewarded with a little gem.

Friday night roundup

Okay, I'll be honest. I've been drinking beer (rolling rock counts as beer, right?), and watching this movie all night:



So don't worry. I'm read to make a really, really awesome roundup.

Firstly, follow this link to see something I've posted before, only better (note: I'm STILL obsessed with this shit. I'm [not] sorry.)

Nextly, follow this link to see more Disney princesses (this time, like real people).

More nextly, follow this link to see what occupying the lamest income group ever would look like.

Last nextly, follow this link to see why Dr. Who is clearly better than Jesus.


Now, some awesome [probably having something to do with Halloween] pictures!:

Have I already said something else is the best Cosplay ever?

Because CLEARLY I WAS WRONG. THIS IS THE BEST.

Oh wait. This is.
Seriously. THAT IS THE BEST.

Oh wait... this is.

No wait.
Wait... WHAT IS THIS?

From a collection of costumes pre-walmart days.
When kids made their own [TERRIFYING] costumes.

More costume ideas.

This is just funny.

And this is just true.

Truth.

THIS IS HILARIOUS.

That's all for now!

FELIX OUT (while now watching Wizard of Oz AND FRIENDS, thanks $1 bin at Walmart!)

Don't worry...

I found this tool for Lulu. I though you might also enjoy!

Not a roundup

Here is a vocal recording of what happens when Lulu and I try to have a meeting about 8 bit runway. Voices are; miss Felix, miss Lulu and our good friend and [hopefully future contributor] Grace. Please enjoy!


8bitMeetings by missFelix

Roundups are boring.

But I WILL KEEP ROUNDING UP ANYWAYS!

Miss Lulu informs me my massive picture and video logged posts are making our blog load slowly. THEREFORE, a cut is in order.

So here is a teaser:


Two of the most bad-ass video game chicks.

If you don't make the jump, all the unicorns will die.

the "Felix is Lazy" round up

I'm mostly lazy because I spent last week working (on an amazing play with some amazing people), and beating Portal 2. Yes, I almost cried when the singing happened. No, I don't want to talk about it [now]. Here is a lazy roundup. Some cute, some Futurama and some other stuff, too.

ALSO LOOK WHAT FINALLY CAME FROM HONG CONG:

Clearly I am the coolest of the nerd-ladies.

Buy these here.

I already bought these here because how could I not?

I don't need to caption this, your reaction is the same as mine, no matter who you are.

All hail... Zoidberg?!

+d12 cool points to whoever made this.

BENDER!?

So. Good.

It's true.

Not our boyfriends, they'd have to know the real names.

Follow THIS LINK to learn to make a Weighted Companion Cube subwoofer.

Watch this to have nightmares for decades:

The aforementioned upcoming things we mentioned afore (...is that right? fuck it, it is now) are still in the works. We're just busy/slow/without great internet/lazy/bitches. Pick one.

Ladies for you to Lurk!

Greetings, anyone!

In exploring the dark recesses of the internet, there are plenty of other awesome ladies out there, and I'd like to take a post to showcase some of the youtube channels that I've been enjoying. Because seriously, whats nerdier than making a webseries?
...making a blog...

ANYWAY...without further ado, check out links to the channels and bits of info under the cut, cause I don't want your computer to blow up due to all of the awesomeness loading up on top of all of the other awesomeness that's already on the main page of the blog. See? That's courtesy. And you're welcome.

Do you know of any other channels or web series that we should check out featuring the ladies of the internet? Shoot me an e-mail and let me know, and we'll post 'em here! ...if we feel like it.

Nah, don't worry, we totally will!
if you're lucky.

On to some videos! Then I'll be going back to playing through Fallout 3 for the first time. I've made my character way too pale, so it looks like one of those creepy ghost babies from The Grudge is roaming around vault 101...oops.