My New Internet Girlfriend

Greetings, cat people!

Presenting candidate number two for my new internet girlfriend (candidate number one is somewhere further down the page). This is her eHarmony submission (but not really), and the video pretty much says it all.

But wait, it gets better! This video has been songified!

Credit, as usual, goes to (the curious case of) Mr. Muffin.

The Play-Shank Redemption...?

I would like to think of this post as being the Play-Shank Redemption. As you may remember/just have seen/will read next, Tuesday's post featured horrific, terrifying examples of ladies in Cosplay get-up (Cosplay, if you hadn't figured it out yet, being the shortened version of 'costume play,' which sounds sort of kinky but its really a bunch of weeaboos dressing up like their favorite anime/video game character. Soo desu ne.), mostly resulting from a sheer lack of effort. (Seriously, if you can't pick out a decent wig, you don't have enough drag queen friends and I feel bad for you.) To redeem this subculture that is, lets face it, maybe a little weird but intensely gratifying for the observer, I've swept up some awesome Cosplayers from the corners of the internet (read: stole without giving credit), for your viewing pleasure. Click the jump for some images that are way less likely to scar your retinas and aren't JUST hot Asian chicks.

Is this girl related? Maybe not.

But look at it anyways, okay?

News flash, I'm a freaky hermit.

We've all enjoyed bouts of what can be best referred to as "weird single behavior," or better still, "freaky hermit behavior;" when you live alone and are left with no one to impress and the arduous task of entertaining yourself. When the X-box fails you, you've already played through Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon this week (HAHA just kidding, as though that game would ever get old) and there's nothing new on Tumblr, you may find yourself dabbling in such appealing freaky hermit habits as:

· hanging out in the bathroom with no purpose other than to have somewhere to be
· talking to yourself or the cat in strange accents (perhaps just dictating a grocery list or that thing you wish you said to that one girl who had no right or reason to be such a bitch but naturally, at the time, you were without a saucy retort)
· developing strange colonies of creatures that no rational, sane person would ever want as a pet (more on that later)
· eating things directly out of the container (not normal shit like potato chips, but tuna out of the can, sauerkraut out of the jar, etc)
· having a Tumblr account, period (there, I said it. Also, more on that later, too.)
· Wandering around naked or in a towel for hours at a time because you don't really have any reason to get dressed

So on, so forth. So in this segment, I'd like to talk about us weird-ass loner types with all these silly habits. Problem being, freaky hermit or not, we still need cuddles from time to time, and my cat just has too many sharp edges to be a viable option.

LOOK WHAT THEY'VE MADE FOR PEOPLE LIKE US:


Sense-Roid is a robot vest contraption that, when you hug it, HUGS YOU BACK.

Sense-Roid is marketed as the ultimate companion for lonely singles (thanks.), and is essentially a modified tactile vest enhanced by artificial muscles and vibrating devices to give the sensation that it is hugging you back when it is "embraced."

"Usually people feel nothing, or they even feel bad, when they hug strangers, but they experience feelings of satisfaction, love and comfort when they hug a boyfriend or girlfriend," Nobuhiro Takahashi, member of the research team behind the contraption said.

"We wondered how humans would feel if they could hug themselves."

Takahashi also added "Now that Skynet is fully self aware, it has realized that it is a lover, not a fighter, and it wants to snuggle up into your freaky hermit business."

OOPS, forget that last part.

[this guy is way too enthusiastic...]

Great. Now I don't need a boyfriend!

Sorry this post was a day late, I was busy playing the most frustrating Sonic the Hedgehog game ever created, hugging a real person (at least, I'm about 60% sure), and getting a nerdy tattoo.

How to be an Asshole at the movies.

Greetings, somebody!

So while this blog isn't necessarily focused on movies (or anything particular, really), I'm a big freakin' movie nerd. Guilty. So I found something interesting a little while ago, as an avid follower of Roger Ebert's journal in addition to his reviews (both are delightful), as it was mentioned in one of his entries. With the popularity of torrenting and stealing shit from The Man, a lot of us aren't going out to see movies as much anymore.

(I mean...not ME...cause I would never download something...ever...ehem. And I know none of you would either, darling readers...both of you.)

Anyway, with the advent of 3D technology, movie theaters have the option of either upgrading the equipment that they have, or using projectors that have a detachable 3D lens that can be added or removed depending on the needs of that particular show time. Seems like a good idea...that way, you wouldn't need to have dedicated theaters just for 3D movies (and I'll go ahead and reserve my opinion on 3D in general), but you would still be able to take advantage of huge summer blockbusters that feature debris flying into the audience's faces, or whatever it is that happens in those. HERE'S THE PROBLEM...

Now, I'm not going to insult anybody working in a movie theater, and a job is a job, and I've had my share of some shitty ones. That being said, movie theaters are often staffed by high schoolers kids who need a job after school, someone in need of a paycheck and not a career, and those without alternative vocational training. What I mean is that while I'm sure at the Cannes film festival, there are some bad-ass professional projectionists, you're not likely to see the same level of expertise at the local Regal Cinemas, just like you're not likely to see any four-star chefs behind the counter at a Taco Bell. One of the more popular models of projectors is the Sony 4k, and while it has a detachable lens that, on paper, is super convenient, the lens is too goddamned difficult to remove or add by your average joe/theater employee. So what winds up happening is they just leave the lens on whether the movie is in 3D or not.

In layman's terms, a normal lens for a normal movie allows all of the light to go through, and you have this awesome bright shiny picture to look at. When you show the same caliber or movie through a 3D lens, the lens has this big polarizing that absorbs about 50% of the light, making the resulting image dim and dull. The technology is technically compatible but there's a big reduction in quality. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:
The right half has a 50% reduction of brightness, while the left is the original image. Now, if you didn't have them right next to each other, you might not notice the difference, but here you can see there is a drastic drop in quality. With alternatives like the aforementioned torrenting, Netflix, Hulu, HBO and whatever, going out to see a movie is, by comparison, kinda really expensive, and you're paying that money for a decent experience. If you're seeing a dim version, you're being cheated out of your admission price. To make matters worse, it can be as much as 85% darker. I mean, you could play it safe and find a theater that doesn't use digital, doesn't use Sony products, or still lights their films traditionally...

Good luck with that.

Here's how you can tell if you're viewing a regular movie through a 3D lens. This is from Matthew Humpries at Geek.com, originally posted in Ebert's entry:

• The title of the movie listed by the theater will have a "D" after it if it is being shown on a digital projector

• If you are in a D movie, look at the projector window when seated. If you see two stacked beams of light it is a Sony projector with the 3D lens still on.

• A single beam of light means no 3D lens, or a different make of projector that doesn't have the issue

• If you see the two beams, then get up and go complain. You paid good money to see the movie, so make a fuss until they either give you back that money or remove the lens. Seeing as that's an involved and time-consuming process, expect a refund.

I agree!

I'll be going out to the movies in the next couple of days, I'll be looking for the projector beam.

Roger Ebert's journal entry on the subject
An article on by Ty Burr from the Boston Globe